27 years

I'm 27 years old today. I've never been one to dread getting another year older. I always tell people that I still feel like I'm 15. I do.

Your dad made that beautiful cake :)

Maybe you will be able to relate one day. But the only way I know how to describe it is that when you are young you feel as though everyone older than you is so wise and experienced. Now that I am that older person, I examine myself and discover that I really don't feel any different than the way I felt when I was 15. I still think the same, have the same personality and attitude, the same morals and beliefs, etc.

Of course, I've learned a lot of things and formed a lot of different opinions, but in essence I still feel like the same girl that I was born to be 27 years ago.

At this point in my life, I'm okay that you haven't made your appearance yet. We will welcome you with open arms at any time. But I feel okay about it today. But I'm sure that if you haven't made your debut by the big 3-0, I will surely be sweating bullets.

That's my way of saying hurry please!

Another round

Well, we decided to hold off on the injections for now. If the doctors can't find anything wrong and we're still very young, why not keep trying naturally? Plus, the splendid vacation we just went on helped us to keep things in perspective and not be in such a rush with our lives.

I was having a conversation with someone at church about our dilemma and she started telling me how it took her and her husband six years to conceive their first child. As she was telling me this I was looking at her and thinking about how she is now pregnant with their third child, just quit her job and bought a mini van. Those six years are nothing to her anymore. Her life is completely changed now. One day that will be us.

However, I did start another round of medroxyprogesterone eight days ago. It's a medicine that will help regulate my cycle. And that also comes along with a whole slew of side effects...acne, facial hair, difficulty sleeping, hair loss, drowsiness, sick stomach, weight gain. I was looking over this list today and thought well, this is gonna suck! But after it's all said and done I know it will be worth it.

You are loved...even before you came into the world

It's August 6, 2012. Your father and I have been married for three and a half years. The time we've been able to spend together has been amazing. We've had many adventures and explored different parts of the world. All of which I plan on telling you about in due time (including the story of how we met). But for now, I think I should tell you why I started this blog.

When your father and I were married on February 28, 2009, I knew that I wanted to have children with him one day but I also knew that I didn't want them right then. I remember having conversations with my friends about how they were trying to conceive and I just couldn't imagine ever feeling that yearning and even disappointment if I couldn't get pregnant. I only knew that I was enjoying the life that I had in trying to soak up every possible minute with your father because, as you will learn, we had just spent the past two and a half years apart. In fact, I didn't think about having children much at all. I knew I would one day and I left it at that.

What I learned later is that thought, that natural tendency, the divine inheritance never left me. And when it finally got the courage, it didn't sneak up from behind or inch it's way into my life like slow rising waters. No, it's mind was made up and there was no going back. It hit me like a brick wall surrounding my soul encompassing my whole being. There was no going back and no going forward until I could fulfill this missing part of our lives. There was only one way to go...and that was up.

I was changed. And my oh my your father was glad to hear the words: I'm ready to have children. He had been ready for a long time and patiently waited for me while I was busy trying to find myself in an eternity that didn't exist until I realized the missing piece was you.

Not only did I start looking forward to and planning the day you would enter into our lives, I also yearn to be the best mother possible. I want to be a stay-at-home mom that relishes in the simple joy of waking up to crying babies, messy faces, dirty kitchens and craziness galore. I long for it, I ache over it...because it has yet to happen.

We have been trying to conceive for a little over a year and a half. We've been through all the ups and downs, in and out of doctor's offices, late night talks and cries, endless amounts of time spent on our knees in prayer, big hugs and sighs of hope. Don't get me wrong, we haven't been emotional wrecks. In fact, I think we have handled everything with a very optimistic attitude. But I would be lying if I said it hasn't been a trial for us.

The day we visited the infertility doctor for the first time. The day before your dad's 29th birthday.

After six months of trying to conceive naturally, my doctor prescribed me medicine to help regulate my cycle and increase my ovulation. After eight months, we faced the fact that it just wasn't working and we switched doctors. My new doctor diagnosed me with polycystic ovarian syndrome, which basically means that I don't release an egg regularly like most people. Which means that we could still get pregnant, but it may be a little more difficult. After trying for three more months, we went to see a specialist. After a very painful X-ray examination, he discovered that there is nothing physically wrong but suggested that we could do something to speed up the process.

And that's where we are now. We aren't sure what to do. Maybe it's just not our time. But maybe we should do whatever it takes to bring you into the world.

Whatever the answer may be, I just know that I have complete faith in Heavenly Father's plan for us as a family. Your dad and I are very faithful and we try to live our lives with an eternal perspective. We strive to keep the covenants that we have made with Him, and we know we will be blessed for it.

The purpsoe of this blog is to let you know how much you are loved...even before you came into the world.